I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
