Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
