I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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