Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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