I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize