Please, let me fuck your mom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
