i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
