I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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