what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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