all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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