Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
