i just wanna soil my oats bro
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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