My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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