I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
