Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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