the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
