Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
