I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
