Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize