apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
