So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
