Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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