i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
