I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
