he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
