he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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