My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
