Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
