This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
