Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
