so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
