I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
