cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
