once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize