By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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