and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
