we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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