and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
