We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
