sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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