does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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