he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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