Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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