so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
