i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
