he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
