i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize