I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
