tell your sister to shave her snatch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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