I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
