Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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