Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I AM VODKA MAN
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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