Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
