So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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