one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
