dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
