She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
