go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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