But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
