Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
