1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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