You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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