So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
