And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
