Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
