Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
