good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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