They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
