dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
