did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
