My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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