And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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