I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize