I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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