Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
