I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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