She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
