I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
