i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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