Where is the hickey?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
