Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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