Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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