I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize