But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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