you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Enjoy the penises
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
