She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
