Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
