we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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