My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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