i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
