you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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