So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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