My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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