you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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