I love black thongs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize