I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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