suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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