So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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