At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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