Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
