i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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