Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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