He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize