somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
