me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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