I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
